Vertigo Time, Monday edition

Upper Vertigo River, 10 May 2214, Real Vertigo Time

At least five people required volunteer emergency medical assistance on Sunday evening after a stampede ensued following a poetry reading at Leroy’s Foosball and Pool Hall in the Upper Vertigo Area, zone 5.

Several French-speaking witnesses, who asked to not be identified, described the incident as seen from a river boat parked at Sequoyah 3 nearby. Although no translators could be located, the French party re-enacted the bedlam in detailed pantomime.

“Vive la galopede,” one witness noted.

Requiring eleven sutures was the presenter, George Conley. It is speculated that the reason for the stampede involved the appearance of proprietor/owner of Leroy’s, Leroy Henson, who had previously registered his legal intentions to commit bodily harm upon any descendent of Rose Conley who entered his establishment for the next eight years.